in the salon chair

24 Feb

i got my hairs cut this week. all of them. i left feeling fresh, rejuvenated, and a little sweaty.

something about getting my hair cut turns me into another person. a nervous, awkward person with creepy eyebrows, pasty skin, and wandering eyes. i can’t focus, i can’t speak right. i’d agree to a buzz cut if i thought the stylist would think i was normal.

i don’t think the fault lies entirely with the fluorescent salon lighting – although it is the only place i can clearly see the scar on my cheek, so clearly that i start wondering which moon crater it most closely resembles.

my right cheek art, but my face is a bit less grey

my face is less grey, don't fret.

i think it’s this one, but that’s beside the point.

what boggles this mind is the transformative power of a place that is supposed to spoil, dote, and feel indulgent. what force pulls the anxious abby out of her hiding place when i put on that cape?

is it insecurity? i know the slicked back rat hair isn’t really my best look, but i can easily trust the awkward in between is all for the good of the great hair being sculpted out of my nest. no, i don’t think what throws off my balance is physical.

less about the hair.

is it fear of being found less-than? less than interesting, less than normal, less than the most engaging person in the room? i come ready with my bag of conversational tricks – tidbits to make the stylist giggle or at least tell a long-enough story to take her mind of my nervous laugh.

yes, i think it’s less about the hair, and more about the bare, exposed feeling sitting in front of a mirror for that long leaves me. so many things stare back. scars, eyebrows, big thoughts. things that definitely need an hour in front of the mirror to surface. an hour i don’t willingly give. it’s clear i need that face time with myself more often, and not for vanity’s sake.

paradox alert: in losing hair, i gain some bit of perspective on what’s beneath the surface. can i write that off as therapy?

4 Responses to “in the salon chair”

  1. Savannah February 25, 2010 at 1:33 am #

    I can completely relate. I never can tell exactly what gets me so unnerved.. But I can plan and plan how to say “Cut here, make it look like this,” to my stylist and in the end come out with, “Just a trim is fine.” I get all jittery and my own voice resounds in between my ears. It’s not pleasing.

    But I enjoyed reading your take, and I think you might be onto something..

  2. Chris February 25, 2010 at 2:25 am #

    Did this start when I did your hair for the prom?

  3. Ashleigh (Heart and Home) February 26, 2010 at 12:22 am #

    I get the same way. I think it’s that slicked back rat hair that scares me. I’m suddenly intimidated by myself.


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    […] sporting pigtails under this puppy. plus, it’ll probably be raining, so this will keep that rat hair at […]

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